From the Depths of My Dysfunction...with Love

Savage printable roast cards for the emotionally unfiltered

🎃Halloween Roast Cards are here👻

Forget sweet and spooky — these are savage.
Downloadable, printable 7x5 roast cards that say what candy never could.👉 Choose your weapon: Pumpkin Spice burns, Monster Comparisons, Behind the Mask, Haunted Friendship, Trick-or-Treat Trouble, or a General “Happy Halloween” roast.Or get all 6 in the full Halloween bundle for only $18.
Click the button below to go to the Gumroad store....if you Dare...

• Grab Yours on Gumroad

Still under construction. Yeah, yeah. Sarcasm is easier than web design. Tech is not my love language 😤

A Little About This Mess

Some people crochet. I make savage printable cards (hopefully in the near future I will be printing and shipping😁). From ghosted to gaslit, I've got a card for that. This page is a love letter to dysfunction--and you're invited to the roast. Swipe the free downloads. Frame the trauma. Send it with a kiss.

• Grab Your Dysfunction

Clicking that button will launch you straight into dysfunction. Proceed accordingly.

Shop The Dysfunction

Roast cards for the emotionally unstable, birthday burnt-out, and dysfunctionally inclined.
(link to Gumroad storefront)

• 👉 Shop the Dysfunction😈

Author's Note (of regret)

Welcome to the chaos

Hey, I’m Jo— creator of inappropriate greetings for emotionally over-it humans everywhere.
This whole thing started with too many bottled-up feelings, not enough therapy, and a deep hatred for boring cards that say “Wishing You Joy” when what you really mean is “F*ck around and find out.”I’m a single mom, patch-slinging wellness junkie, and professional chaos juggler. Somewhere between football practices, menopause, and caffeine, I realized: if I don’t laugh at this mess, I’ll cry.
So now I make cards that do both — so you don’t have to. All cards are brewed with sarcasm, caffeine, cuss words, and the occasional AI assist — because chaos deserves efficiency.These cards are for the chronically unfiltered. The secretly petty. The spiritually spicy. The ones who love hard but roast harder.
If that’s you?
Welcome to the dysfunction. You’re gonna love it here.

Coming soon....Because Chaos Deserves a Theme.
We're cooking up more unhinged delights, including our Holiday Packs and custom roast on demand bundles that'll make your mother-in-law gasp. So yeah...keep your toxic little eyes peeled!

What We Do
From the Depths of My Dysfunction…with Love™ creates dark humor greeting cards, savage roast cards, and inappropriate printable cards for real people who are over fake sentiment. Whether you need funny birthday cards, breakup cards, menopause cards, or “not for your mom” cards, we’ve got your dysfunctional back.Every card is written by me (with caffeine, cuss words, and sometimes a little AI magic to keep the dysfunction flowing faster). That means you get unfiltered, brutally honest, laugh-out-loud designs that hit harder than Hallmark ever could.We’re Hellmark, not Hallmark. No fluff. Just savage, hilarious cards you’ll actually want to send.Right now, they’re digital + printable — but stay tuned, because printed + shipped dysfunction is coming soon.

Disclaimer & Terms
By using this site, you agree you’re at least 18, have a sense of humor, and understand that my cards are meant for entertainment, not emotional therapy. If you print, share, or send them, you do so at your own risk. Not liable for hurt feelings, breakups, or Aunt Linda’s passive-aggressive texts. Don’t steal my stuff — that’s just tacky.

Privacy & Data Collection
Look, we’re not the NSA. We’re not here to stalk you in a trench coat with binoculars. We do collect your email if you give it to us — mainly so we can send you free cards, questionable life advice, and the occasional product you didn’t know you needed until it was too late.We’re not selling your info to some shady company. If it ever leaves our hands, it’ll be because we accidentally left it on a USB stick in a Waffle House parking lot.Basically:We keep your data safe(ish).We use it to send you cool/funny stuff.If we ever lose it, at least it’ll be somewhere with decent hashbrowns.

Accessibility: I try to keep this circus readable and clickable for everyone. If something isn’t working with your screen reader, keyboard, or eyeballs, email me and I’ll fix it: [email protected]

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